Yes, you read it right. I almost feel like deteriorating. I was on the verge of ruining my life! Last night, my Boyfriend and I had a row, a huge row (I'm so sorry to disappoint you but I'm not going into details I just wanted to express how bad I felt about it. I hope you understand.) so huge I almost thought our relationship had ended. I was so angry during our argument it made me cry. And I hate it! I hate it when my tears betray me. We usually argue, about the simplest stuff but we never had anything so serious like that before. I was so upset. The problem is, when I'm mad I have this tendency to say things that I don't really mean and when my temper cools down, that's when I realized that I said things that I'm not suppose to say. But the realization came too late because I already caused pain to the people I love. The damage has been done and I can't do anything to rewind it. Good thing Jr understands me, I now know that everything was my fault. I should've done better. I can't erase what I did but I can always make up with it.
Another thing that I hate about myself is my overwhelming pride. I know it's wrong but I value my pride so much and people always get hurt when I do that. I was really so upset that I cried the whole night, and I fell asleep crying as well. I am thankful that Jr loves me more than I thought he did. He was so understanding, which made me feel more guilty. And yes, I am a bad person. I felt like one. But we are okay now, I apologized, I admitted that I was wrong and I asked him how can I make things right. He told me that I didn't have to, that the fact that I accepted that I was wrong was enough for him (See how great he is? He's my angel!).
I also learned a lot of things. First, is that getting mad should never be an excuse to disrespect the person you professed to love. Second, you should never make a decision when you're mad because it clouds your judgment and in most cases you'll regret what you did. And third, when you apologize, make sure you mean it, you have to accept that you're wrong and you have to make up for the things that you did.
I'm still grateful because this event just made my relationship with Jr alot stronger. I know what to do next time, I learned from my mistakes and I promise him and myself that this thing won't happen again because I'm scared to loose someone like him. I love him and I love to love him.
Hope you learned something from this too. :p
I've got a lot of things to tell, I promise I'll try to blog as soon as I can!
More to come!
Love Lots,
KarenHeartilly
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